Are your emotional coping skills preventing you from being a happy person?

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Let’s get one thing clear. The concept of happiness is kind of exaggerated. It really is overrated. It seems that everybody and their dog is hell-bent on becoming happy. Now there’s nothing ultimately wrong with this but the problem needs some definition.

Define Happiness?

In the western world, general happiness is usually defined by external circumstances. Happiness is something that you get from the outside. It doesn’t come from within. It’s an emotional state that you feel from within but ultimately is triggered by factors of people and things outside of you. You have to wake up on the right side of the bed, people have to be kind to you, things have to work in a certain way, a lot of the things that you are expecting to happen, have to happen a certain way. Then and only then you will feel happy.

This really is too bad because if you define happiness along these lines, you probably are not going to be happy all that often. Even if you reach that emotional state, it’s not going to last long. How come? These definitions don’t really position you for long-lasting and genuinely intense happy moments. They don’t, because you’re not in control. Happiness either happens from time to time, or it doesn’t. It tends to occur at a roll of the dice or when things line up. That’s no way to live your life. It’s much better to look at happiness as a product of your emotional coping skills.

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Find solutions in the manual

Emotional Coping Skills

When you focus on skills, you focus on a series of actions that you can control. By being aware of what you’re doing at a specific time and place, you will put yourself in a position of becoming aware of the consequences of these actions and feelings. By doing so, you’ll be able to choose how you feel.

You’ll be able to choose how you respond, what to remember, what to focus on. This can lead to a more sustainable level of happiness. You are in control of your emotions. Compare this with a person who just basically waits to see if people are going to be kind to him or her. He or she who waits for certain things to line up. Maybe they’re waiting for a new job or a new position to open up. Perhaps they’re looking for a raise or a scholarship or looking to get good grades on a test.

The problem is when you put yourself in a position where you waiting for somebody else to get their act together to deliver happiness in your life, you’re playing a losing game. You’re not in the driver’s seat of your life. You probably already know, life is what happens when you’re making other plans.

Assume more control over your life by assuming more control over your emotional coping skills across a wide variety of situations that happen in life.

Emotional intelligence is crucial to life’s success. It’s high time that you make your emotions work for you instead of against you.

Cheering you on,

-kw

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